farklı halet-i ruhiyelerin seyrinde dibe vurup çıkıyorum. tutulası bir elin bulunmaması ellerin kirliliğinden mi yoksa benim kusursuz bir el arayışı içerisinde olmamdan mı kestiremedim. but the latter one seems more reasonable which is why i am crying right now. Besides my moody characteristics, all the efforts to smooth intermingling past and present seem that I am beating the air with my fucking weak fists. Order of things getting more and more confused for me, and the thing is I want to watch some american movie might be really  a resillient disease which has not been discovered by fucking science. I know that ignorance is bliss, but I dont know how to reach at the level of mediating ignorance and dream.